Reject Rejection

The next time you get a rejection letter from a hoped-for employer or publisher, just send them the following:

Dear [name of the person who signed the rejection letter],
Thank you for your letter of [date of the rejection letter]. After careful consideration, I regret to inform you that I am unable to accept your refusal to offer me employment with your firm.
This year I have been particularly fortunate in receiving an unusually large number of rejection letters. With such a varied and promising field of candidates, it is impossible for me to accept all refusals. Despite [name of the co or agency that sent you this letter]'s outstanding qualifications and previous experience in rejecting [applicants], I find that your rejection does not meet with my needs at this time.
Therefore, I will initiate employment with your firm immediately following [graduation/job change, etc. -- get creative here]. I look forward to working with you.
Best of luck in rejecting future candidates.
Sincerely,
[your name]
(Stolen from Thinkgeek)

A book and it's cover

She’s emo? You’d cut too, if you’ve been through what she has. She’s anorexic? You’d be too, if everyone called you fat everyday. She’s a whore? She made one mistake that cost her reputation. She’s a showoff? Her parents don't care, & she’s never heard of praise. She’s loud? She’s invisible at home, & she wants to be heard. She’s quiet? She’s afraid to speak, because she’s scared to get made fun of & say the wrong things. She’s fat? She binges, because she's tired of being there for everyone & never getting it back in return. She’s a geek? She wants to get into college, so she can support her future family. She doesn’t wear the shortest shorts? She's too worried people will judge her. She’s ugly? Tell me, what is the definition of beauty? Who are you to judge them? You know their name, not their story.